Those ain't cows in that bull wagon!* Pt. 2
By popular demand I will tell the story of my camel episode. Geez, why did I have to mention that in my reindeer hauling game?
To me it didn't make sense but some advertising executives thought it would be COOL to make a commercial in the mountains with camels for the CAMEL brand cigarettes. Kind of like Joe Cool sitting in the mountain breeze. Anyways off I was to Long Island, California to pick up some camels that were shipped in for the commercial. I never realized how high those buggers stand and I had traveled all the way to California with my Bull Wagon and wasn't about to jump ship now. If something I've learned from life, it's being innovative.
Knee Pads!!! Yes, that was the answer. But how could I get knee pads to fit on camels. Well, the answer was in the camping section of K-Mart. I purchased several of those foam bed rolls and some duck tape. When I got back to the dock I started cutting and duck taping until all the camels were donned with these homemade pads. Now was the tricky part. I had to have them crawl on their knees into the wagon. It took almost an entire day doing it, so I broke the rules and left them in for the entire trip without taking them out for a break every so often.
We got up to the plush slopes of Telluride, Colorado and set them loose. They were as happy as pigs in slop just grazing and grazing that rocky mountain grass.
However, there was a problem.
The camels were stuck on their knees, somehow the ride had cramped them up enough that they couldn't get on their feet. We delayed the filming for three days hoping the camels would streeeeetttccchhh. But to no avail and the advertising agency was screaming about the costs of such a delay so filming had to start. Of course the advertisers were also trying to target young American males and had hired a harem of good looking blondes straight from the University of Florida. have you ever seen the reaction of Florida girls in the cool mountain air, trust me I'm smoking Camels now!
Anyways, it was supposed to be a caravan of girls marching through the mountains for an interesting appeal. The only thing is...have you ever seen a camel walk on knees? Especially in the thin mountain air? They would bounce like rodeo bulls and snort & hiss trying to get as much oxygen in the starved lungs. On top of that, those poor Floridian girls were holding on for dear life!
Let's just say the law suit was for more than the cost of delays. Poor Floridian girls left for home with nose bandages and splints everywhere. Not only medical bill payment requested but payment for the hardship the girls suffered from their adjusted looks as they were unable to hold on for the "full 8 seconds!"
You'll never see the commercial though, since the advertisers thought they would get lawsuits from animal rights groups for the spectacle they would have seen if they saw the commercial. I do think they should have knee walking camels as part of the rodeo events. Heck them poor Floridian girls made bull riders look like kindergarteners!!!
P.S. since I was being sued, I made sure I got a copy of the film. I watched it so many times the tape done worn out. That tape almost worn out as fast as my redneck womens mud wrasstling VHS tape!!!
Ride em cowgirls!